Light at the end of the tunnel???

Oh my! What a roller coaster of a weekend! I arrived Friday. Steve, Todd, Elizabeth and Jacob met me at the train station. It was a sweet but tearful reunion. We went to breakfast at Denny's in Valencia on our way up the hill. Julie and Cody met us there just a little bit later. Cody had just gotten his braces off and he was finally able to eat anything he wanted. I went home with Steve and the kids for a little bit. The house is in need of a very thorough cleaning. The kids have clothes everywhere; Jacob still has socks and underwear in his drawers from when he was 2 years old. Nothing has ever been taken care of. When they move, they just pack up all the drawers and take everything as is. The kitchen needs a lot of work and the bathrooms...well, we won't even go there! (Today is Monday and I still have not seen Tracy. I don't intend to.) We all came up to Todd and Julie's and had dinner and a nice visit. Just as we were getting our coats on and opening the door, there was a knock and a man presented Steve with papers. We thought it was divorce papers, but it turned out to be a temporary restraining order against Steve. It was totally unexpected and totally without warrant. It just felt like we'd been kicked in the stomach. We all decided to stay at Todd's and have a sleep-over. Jacob said "this will be the best sleep-over ever!" We just all needed to be together and it was a wonderful time of bonding and praying for Tracy and Steve and the kids. We are all accepting that this will result in divorce, so now we are just praying for Tracy's salvation. She has to be living with such guilt...she can't stand to be around any of us. She told Steve she hates that we're all together up here "judging her". That's the farthest thing from the truth. We are concerned for her and praying for her. The guilt she's feeling is because she knows she's done the most wrong thing she could do as a mother and wife. Now I'm praying for Steve and that some day things will get better for him. He deserves so much better. I feel as if I've aged by 80 years. I'm physically and mentally worn out, but know it can't get worse. It can only get better from here.

Hearts are breaking

The worst scenario has happened. Tracy has moved out of their house and has a guy, Peter Green, living with her. He moved out on his wife and little daughter. Such selfishness I can never understand. I think we have been going through all the stages of grief as if she is dead. In way, she is...the Tracy I thought I knew is dead to me. How dreadful! My heart is breaking for Steve and the children. I am leaving in the next day or so to go to California to be with them and offer any help I can. I still don't know how she can do this...our whole family has lost her, but everyone is soooooooooo supportive of Steve. I know he will be able to come out on top of this.

One of my favorite days

This is a beautiful day. It has snowed off and on all day. It's one of those wet snows with big flakes. The ground looked all muddy and squishy yesterday. We'd had a good bit of rain for a few days. Then this morning everything was beautiful and white. Reminds me of my sin covered by the blood of Christ. I talked with Steve a little bit this morning. Things seem to be going pretty good in California. I know it must be hard for both of them, but they are trying. Steve said he thinks Tracy's heart is softening, so I'm glad for that. I keep praying that God will cause this dear family to stay together.

A New Year

Well, this is hardly the beginning of the year, but not too much time has gone past. We had a wonderful (what I thought was wonderful) visit with Steve, Tracy, Elizabeth and Jacob. The kids were great. I was able to spend lots of time with them and not worry about the house and things I should have been doing...cleaning and laundry. We played lots of games, watched lots of movies and spent lots of time watching the Gilmore Girls DVDs. Rick got a Wii game for downstairs and we spend lots of time playing games on it. We had a restful Christmas Eve. Then I had my folks over for Christmas breakfast and we opened gifts with the kids. Later in the day, Deana and her family came over for dinner and the "big people's" gift exchange.

Tracy and I had time to do lots of good talking and so did Steve and I. I thought things were going pretty well while they were here. There was always an undercurrent, though. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. One minute Tracy would seem good, and the next time you saw her, it seemed like she was in the corner texting someone or on her computer with email to someone. It just seemed odd. I didn't say or do anything about it.

It was hard seeing the kids leave. It's one thing to have all this free time here with us, then to have to get back to the reality of day-to-day life and schedules and all the pressing things that happen.

Steve called yesterday to tell us that just when he thought things couldn't be worse, the were. It turns out that Tracy did NOT have the affair she said she did, but was masking another relationship she had been having for quite some time. It's with a married man at PMC who Steve knows but has never cared for. He has an 8 year old daughter. According to Tracy, it never became physical, but she wanted it to be. I think she would have left Steve for this man if he would have left his wife.
Steve confronted him (scarey) and Tracy...it turns out this is the guy she'd been texting and emailing while they were here. After all is said and done, I think they are getting on the right track. Steve is meeting with his pastor today and as for Tracy...I'm not sure.

I have mixed emotions. Part of me is glad that there was no affair. Part of me feels like I've been betrayed. Tracy let us all go through the pain and hurt of thinking there had been an affair. All this for what??? To get back at Steve? Time will tell...I just have to keep trusting the Lord to know how to react to all this. What a soap opera!

I'm going to add some Christmas pictures to this post.

Why Worry?

Why is it I always worry about things which I KNOW I have no control over??? Worry
doesn't change anything...EVER. All it does is take years off my life and cause worry lines. (heaven knows I don't need more of those)
I am so proud of my son, Steve. After all they have been through, I think they're going to come out on top. When we met them at the airport this morning, he hugged Rick and whispered "You and Mom are going to be nice to Tracy, right?" After everything...he is protective of her and I can tell he really loves her. So, after all my worries and fretting, God is doing what he intended to do. How much easier and nicer it would have been if I could have just believed this from the beginning and trusted God to have His way? His way is always perfect anyway. The older I get, the more I know I do NOT know.

The Countdown!

Well, Steve, Tracy, Elizabeth and Jacob will be here in the morning. I have everything pretty much prepared for their arrival. One small thing that didn't go the way I'd planned; I wanted to make Kraft spaghetti for them tomorrow night, and Fisher's has stopped stocking it. What a let down! Rick knew I was disappointed, so we drove all over North Canton this evening, looking for it. An Acme store said they would see if it could be ordered, so they took our name and phone number. My husband is so wonderful! He goes out of his way to do special things for me. We did some last minute shopping at Sam's and WalMart today, and basically anything I wanted, he said "go ahead". We've already spent a fortune, but think this will be worth it, if the kids will just have a chance to relax and spend some good time together. I'm a little uneasy; seeing Tracy for the first time, but I have prayed and prayed...and I know Amy Jean is praying for the whole situation. I wish Steve and Tracy could know the kind of marriage that Rick and I have. We are so excited to see them!

I'm going to add a picture of my wonderful husband to this post.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff???

I've always told people this. In fact, I just said it to my niece the other day when her little girl did something she thought she shouldn't have. How dare I say that to ANYONE??? How do I know what is small to another person. Just because it seems trivial to me, doesn't mean it is to someone else. I thought about that today while I was busy getting ready for some of our dear family to come from California. My husband has been busy for days getting all his work caught up so he would be free while our kids and grandkids are here. He has knocked himself out to do all he can for me as well. Then one little thing goes wrong (in my little world) and I come all to pieces. Think it's time to practice what I preach!!!